Loudspeaker: Zeppelin arrival in six minutes.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Boarding the Spear of Durotar, are we? You are to be envied, Horde marine!
Hobart Grapplehammer: You are about to rip the horizon a new sky-hole aboard a sensational new era in aeronautical innovation.
Hobart Grapplehammer: It’s been recklessly engineered with a merciless disregard for both budgetary concerns and those cumbersome, inefficient “laws of physics.”
Assistant Greely: Not a penny was wasted on comfort or personal safety!
Hobart Grapplehammer: While you wait for its arrival, my assistant and I will momentarily demonstrate some of the features of this remarkable aircraft.
Loudspeaker: Zeppelin arrival in five minutes.
Hobart Grapplehammer: As you know, air weighs nothing. So to create a lighter-than-air vessel, we had to bend a few rules.
Assistant Greely: We bent the crap outta them!
Hobart Grapplehammer: The Spear of Durotar is filled to the bursting point with combustible, super-heated gas.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Bilgewater engineers have taken advantage of its inherent high-altitude instability and resultant low-cost.
Assistant Greely: We passed the savings on to us.
Hobart Grapplehammer: We’ve mitigated the explosive instability of the gas by putting it under IMMENSE pressure.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Doing so required the removal of a number of safety valves that kept erupting.
Assistant Greely: Ask yourself: what good is a “safety” valve if it keeps going off? That doesn’t sound very safe to me.
Loudspeaker: Zeppelin arrival in four minutes.
Assistant Greely: Tell ’em about the engines, boss.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Oh my, yes. In order to maximize both range and payload, we’ve concocted an unorthodox blend of rocket fuels for the state-of-the-art engines.
Assistant Greely: We call it “Doom Juice.”
Hobart Grapplehammer: It is so energy-dense as to combust at the slightest provocation.
Assistant Greely: Even verbal.
Hobart Grapplehammer: This stuff is so volatile, it probably shouldn’t be moved. Much less… flown.
Assistant Greely: To ensure a crew response in case of a fire, fuel storage has been moved away from the crew quarters and placed beneath the passenger compartment.
Loudspeaker: Zeppelin arrival in three minutes.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Your course today will take you directly across the great sea.
Hobart Grapplehammer: An enormous, unforgiving expanse of pounding grey waves, freezing temperatures, and ravenous sea life.
Assistant Greely: In the unlikely event of a water “landing,” please reach under your seat cusion where a cyanide capsule has been located for your convenience.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Trust me, friend, a rapid pill-induced death is far preferable to the long, agonizing process of hypothermia and subsequent dismemberment by sharks.
Assistant Greely: For those of you allergic to almonds, our cyanide capsules come in an assortment of other flavors.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Don’t ask how we know what they taste like.
Assistant Greely: You’ll also find a complimentary bag of peanuts.
Loudspeaker: Zeppelin arrival in two minutes.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Should your zeppelin be attacked en-route, panic is advisable.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Instead, look for a number of deck-mounted flak cannons positioned for just such an emergency.
Assistant Greely: Nothing keeps a fleet of combustible dirigibles safer than randomly flinging molten metal in every conceivable direction!
Hobart Grapplehammer: Greely, show them how the guns work.
Assistant Greely: With Pleasure!
Hobart Grapplehammer: Simply aim and pull the trigger. Or don’t aim. I wash my hands of the whole thing.
Assistant Greely: I can hit my house from here!
((Greely proceeds to fire off a few shots.))
Hobart Grapplehammer: Greely, you’re not randomly firing that thing into Bilgewater Port, are you?
Assistant Greely: No.
Assistant Greely: Maybe.
Assistant Greely: A little.
Loudspeaker: Zeppelin arrival in one minute. One minute.
Hobart Grapplehammer: In the unlikely event that a catastrophic failure does not instantly kill everyone aboard…
Hobart Grapplehammer: …a number of parachutes will appear along the railings.
Assistant Greely: We call them “Emergency Rampless Debarkation Devices.”
Hobart Grapplehammer: Simply grab a nearby parachute to be vaulted clear of the burning zeppelin. Hopefully onto dry land.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Greely, would you like to demonstrate how our parachutes work?
Assistant Greely: Oh hells no! Those things are death-traps!
Hobart Grapplehammer: Very well then. I see that the Spear of Durotar has almost arrived.
Hobart Grapplehammer: Your safety and well-being are no longer any concern of mine.
Assistant Greely: From all of us at Bilgewater Harbor…
Hobart Grapplehammer & Assistant Greely: Have fun storming the Highlands!.